Here are some definitions... One is the definition of socialization and one is a definition of popularity.
Definition of SOCIALIZATION
: the process by which a human being beginning at infancy acquires the habits, beliefs, and accumulated knowledge of society through education and training for adult status
pop·u·lar·i·ty
/ˌpɑ:pjəˈlerəti/noun
/ˌpɑ:pjəˈlerəti/noun
[noncount] : state of being liked, enjoyed, accepted, or done by a large number of people : the quality or state of being popular
I have only been homeschooling through Ohio Virtual Academy for this school year, and this question is by far the most asked. It is often the first question asked...and the one that drives me crazy the most. Let me just say...first of all...what is the main purpose of schooling? Is it not to learn concepts and be educated and increase your intellegence? I (call me old fashioned) think learning is one of the most important things that should happen at school.
I however have come to believe that perhaps people who ask this question are confusing the term socialization with popularity. I guess I could be wrong, but I don't think so.
Socialization as the definition states: Is the process by which a human being beginning at infancy acquires the habits, beliefs, and accumulated knowledge of society through education and training for adult status.
Ok. So we are to socialize our children by teaching them how to function in society as an adult. I take that as teaching our children how to act, communicate, and follow the social norms of society.
For example: My children should be able to act appropriately in social situations, be able to speak intelligently and use a fork and spoon. :)
Where in public brick and morter schools does this "socialization" training occur? On the bus, where 4 letter words fly off the toungue? Is there someone there to itervene? Maybe the bus driver tells them to knock it off...maybe. Does it occur in the hall way before class? Where kids are bullied? Bumped into, called names? Does it occur during lunch hour when the talk turns to sex? and who is doing what with whom? Does it occur after school when kids are making out in the hall or by the bus?
I am 41 now...but it has been awhile since I have been to an "adult" gathering where 4 letter words were flying and people were talking sex and showing everyone how...maybe I go to dull parties. :)
If I was at such a party...I would certainly leave. At school kids are exposed to this all the time, but they can't leave. It is day in and day out. If you don't participate in this form of "socialization" you are usually rejected and deemed "unpopular"
The definition of popular is the state of being liked, enjoyed, accepted, or done by a large number of people. We all want to be accepted. I think that is a natural and normal feeling. You however have two choices often in public school. Follow the crowd (doing things done by a large number of people) or not follow the crowd (stand up for yourself or your beliefs) Following the crowd perhaps makes you popular, but it doesn't make you socialized. I think of when a fight breaks out at school...the kid might be popular and others will circle around the fight encouraging the fighters to hit each other, everyone wants to be there because they will be left out of the "group" and "action"... I however don't think anyone would define fighting as "socialized" behavior.
The other thing that irkes me is that popularity often has absolutly nothing to do with how people treat each other. In public school it often has to do with who your parents are, how much money your family has, what kinds of clothes you wear, if you are a good athelete etc. Being a good person and a good student often doesn't qualify you for popularity...in fact often just the opposite.
I think when others ask "what about socialization" they really mean, "what about your kid being popular?" If we really think about socialization and what it means, I would say most people could be socialized by a few ettiquet classes, and by watching other adults interact appropriately with each other.
Newsflash...being or trying to maintain popularity in a same age peer group can lead to bad decisions and life altering choices. I think we all know this, and at the same time have a desire to be part of the crowd. Nobody wants to be disliked or left out or treated badly. Yet it happens every day to kids all thoughout schools everywhere. Yes, it is part of life... but when it becomes your life...when every day is a living hell...when you have done absolutely nothing to deserve such treatment...it is depressing and awful.
Will my child be better "socialized" by having to deal with bullying every day of his life? Will my child be better "socialized" by learning bad language? Will my child be better "socialized" by being exposed to drugs and alcohol? Will my child be better "socialized" if he attends parties where alcohol and drugs are being served? Will my child be better "socialized" if he has a girlfriend? Will my child be better "socialized" if he is having sex? The answer is no.
He might be more popular though.
I'm sure you're shocked I have an opinion on this. Here are my thoughts:
ReplyDeleteYes, socialization is not the primary purpose of school, but part of being educated is knowing how to interact with all different kinds of people. That is done through socialization. What good are facts and knowledge if we cannot share them with others? School is certainly not the *only* place we learn how to socialize (particularly the etiquette...a lot of that comes from home). Church is the same way; we go to church primarily to learn the doctrines, but we also learn socialization through basic interaction, teaching classes, giving talks, home & visiting teaching, etc. If it were just learning the doctrines, we wouldn't need to drive to Rootstown every week (which a lot of our ward members apparently already do!).
As a returned missionary, what I learned from just being in a school setting with lots of people who didn't share my beliefs helped me greatly to be a better missionary. It's much more difficult to teach someone if you don't know what level they're on or where they're coming from. Because I was familiar with other religions (mostly from having friends and associates in school who were members of them), I was able to communicate in ways that many missionaries were not able to. That can be used for empathy too. The experiences I had in choir are what led me to pursue education in music. My experiences as president of the choirs my senior year gave me tons of confidence and leadership experience that I wouldn't have had otherwise. Neither of those would've happened outside of a school environment.
There weren't any formal "socialization" classes (any more than there are classes on life's hard knocks!), but being around people who held different beliefs and ideas gave me valuable experience to define (and ultimately defend) my own beliefs in a logical manner. That came through public speaking, writing, and simple, everyday interactions with classmates and teachers. I also learned socialization skills from examples (good and bad). This was ON TOP of what my mom taught us at home, which was basically don't make fools of ourselves and "don't confuse rude with clever"! :)
Yeah, there are negative aspects to socialization. You pretty much listed each one. But while there are going to be negative influences in a school, school is not unique in having negative influences. There will be negative influences everywhere (yes, even at Church colleges). Does that mean it's hopeless? Nope. It just means it's something we all have to deal with at some point. I'm personally glad I was able to deal with it while I was still at home so I had my mom to help, not only in reaction to negative experiences, but even before they happened to help me deal with them based on what I already knew and believed. Don't forget, though, there will also be many positive influences *and* your own kids can be positive influences on others (which I think a lot of people forget). **But that doesn't mean we do nothing about negative influences or stay in an *unsafe* environment (like it was for Jacob).**
It really depends on the environment of the school. I never participated in some of the wild and crazy parties you describe and I never felt shunned for that, nor did I ever experience pressure to go to them or do other things like drugs or alcohol. People knew my limits and they generally respected them. Was I "popular"? Hardly. Was I a cast-off? I never saw it that way. Did it matter to me at the time? Not really. It certainly doesn't matter now.
In the end, you have to do what you feel is best, Julie! Those are my thoughts from my own experiences! :)
Julie...'
ReplyDeleteSounds like you are having a few challenges with other peoples thoughts on home-schooling.
When I home-schooled my children (just for a few years when they were in elementary school) we encountered some of those thoughts and questions too.
One thing that I reminded my kids of is that Jesus was never 'popular' either.... but that didn't make his choices wrong.
Believe it or not... our children grew up well-adjusted, intellegent, thoughtful, considerate, and well educated citizens. Each and every one of our children served missions, and were able to relate with all kinds of people, and all ages of people.
You just have to do what works for your family and for your children. After all that's what matters most :)