Here are some definitions... One is the definition of socialization and one is a definition of popularity.
Definition of SOCIALIZATION
: the process by which a human being beginning at infancy acquires the habits, beliefs, and accumulated knowledge of society through education and training for adult status
pop·u·lar·i·ty
/ˌpɑ:pjəˈlerəti/noun
/ˌpɑ:pjəˈlerəti/noun
[noncount] : state of being liked, enjoyed, accepted, or done by a large number of people : the quality or state of being popular
I have only been homeschooling through Ohio Virtual Academy for this school year, and this question is by far the most asked. It is often the first question asked...and the one that drives me crazy the most. Let me just say...first of all...what is the main purpose of schooling? Is it not to learn concepts and be educated and increase your intellegence? I (call me old fashioned) think learning is one of the most important things that should happen at school.
I however have come to believe that perhaps people who ask this question are confusing the term socialization with popularity. I guess I could be wrong, but I don't think so.
Socialization as the definition states: Is the process by which a human being beginning at infancy acquires the habits, beliefs, and accumulated knowledge of society through education and training for adult status.
Ok. So we are to socialize our children by teaching them how to function in society as an adult. I take that as teaching our children how to act, communicate, and follow the social norms of society.
For example: My children should be able to act appropriately in social situations, be able to speak intelligently and use a fork and spoon. :)
Where in public brick and morter schools does this "socialization" training occur? On the bus, where 4 letter words fly off the toungue? Is there someone there to itervene? Maybe the bus driver tells them to knock it off...maybe. Does it occur in the hall way before class? Where kids are bullied? Bumped into, called names? Does it occur during lunch hour when the talk turns to sex? and who is doing what with whom? Does it occur after school when kids are making out in the hall or by the bus?
I am 41 now...but it has been awhile since I have been to an "adult" gathering where 4 letter words were flying and people were talking sex and showing everyone how...maybe I go to dull parties. :)
If I was at such a party...I would certainly leave. At school kids are exposed to this all the time, but they can't leave. It is day in and day out. If you don't participate in this form of "socialization" you are usually rejected and deemed "unpopular"
The definition of popular is the state of being liked, enjoyed, accepted, or done by a large number of people. We all want to be accepted. I think that is a natural and normal feeling. You however have two choices often in public school. Follow the crowd (doing things done by a large number of people) or not follow the crowd (stand up for yourself or your beliefs) Following the crowd perhaps makes you popular, but it doesn't make you socialized. I think of when a fight breaks out at school...the kid might be popular and others will circle around the fight encouraging the fighters to hit each other, everyone wants to be there because they will be left out of the "group" and "action"... I however don't think anyone would define fighting as "socialized" behavior.
The other thing that irkes me is that popularity often has absolutly nothing to do with how people treat each other. In public school it often has to do with who your parents are, how much money your family has, what kinds of clothes you wear, if you are a good athelete etc. Being a good person and a good student often doesn't qualify you for popularity...in fact often just the opposite.
I think when others ask "what about socialization" they really mean, "what about your kid being popular?" If we really think about socialization and what it means, I would say most people could be socialized by a few ettiquet classes, and by watching other adults interact appropriately with each other.
Newsflash...being or trying to maintain popularity in a same age peer group can lead to bad decisions and life altering choices. I think we all know this, and at the same time have a desire to be part of the crowd. Nobody wants to be disliked or left out or treated badly. Yet it happens every day to kids all thoughout schools everywhere. Yes, it is part of life... but when it becomes your life...when every day is a living hell...when you have done absolutely nothing to deserve such treatment...it is depressing and awful.
Will my child be better "socialized" by having to deal with bullying every day of his life? Will my child be better "socialized" by learning bad language? Will my child be better "socialized" by being exposed to drugs and alcohol? Will my child be better "socialized" if he attends parties where alcohol and drugs are being served? Will my child be better "socialized" if he has a girlfriend? Will my child be better "socialized" if he is having sex? The answer is no.
He might be more popular though.
