The Last Day

This morning before I was really awake...kind of half in and half out of a dream...I start thinking about my day and what to accomplish.  My "organizing time" if you will.  I thought I could try and make some bread with my new super duper mixing machine...some laundry (undies at least), wrap a few presents, really need to clean the bathroom before someone from Relief Society comes to clean my bathroom, and a host of other things I have been not doing around here because I haven't been able to bend or move real well without pain.  I thought "today is the last day" because tomorrow is the operation and then I won't be able to lift or bend for who knows how long.  So I could do it today..with some pain...I thought.

Then to awake to the realization that today is the day with absolutely NO Pain MEds.  I kinda cheated yesterday.  I couldn't stand it. 

By the time I reached the bathroom and sighed over the pile of laundry covering my floor...I gave up on that idea as I pictured myself literally crawling over mounds of dirty clothes...brushed my teeth in a disgusting sink that someone "forgot to clean" when they were assigned the bathroom chores...and headed downstairs...ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch bleep ouch ouch bleep ouch....by the time I reached the bottom...baking bread was out.  I barely got myself a bowl of cereal because no one has done the dishes in days.  I scored the last bowl and semi clean spoon. Yeah me.

By the time Jacob left...I was done...I was dressed but went upstairs...ouch ouch ouch ouch bleep ouch ouch...and went back to bed for 15 min until it was time for the others to get up.

Time to get back up...I felt blessed to be able to score two pair of clean underware for the kids in less than 10 minutes.  We cheated and bought some new socks the other day...so that was an easy find.

Mostly dressed and ready...Maggie had forgotten her homework...crisis.  Finished in time but couldn't find her mittens.  Running out of time I sent her without them.  The thought of crawling around on the basement floor to look for them (because they aren't put away...get real) was too much.  I know I am a bad mother...I admit it.  Hopefully they won't go outside today, because she is in a skirt (no pants left to wear) with no mittens. 

I am so wanting to do stuff and my back says "oh no your not!"  I hate this so much!!!

Tomorrow is the big day.  I am scared out of my mind and that is an understatement.  I know people get operations every day...I know it is outpatient surgery...I know I am a wimp...I know I probably won't die...probably.  I know that when I wake up I will know that I worried for nothing. 

I hope tomorrow is the start of the end of this very long awful chapter of my life.  Almost 5 months of daily pain and popping meds.  I am tired and sick of being like this.

I am hopeful that today is the last day of this kind of pain.  Everyone says the pain from the operation will be there...but I am ready to trade this back and leg pain away for good.